All My Fault

I lost my first ever best friend in ninth grade – my first PROPER one at least. After that, I guess just everything has been a downfall. My ex-best friend was a person who took up all of my time. She would always want me to give her, and only her, all of my attention. I slowly, without noticing, drifted away from all of my other friends and finally I was only left with her. I soon grew tired of her, but once I was no longer friends with her, I realized that I now had very few friends at all. This is when SHE came into my life.

She was the kind of person I had always disliked – I never wanted to be associated with her in the first place. She was rude, mean, an opportunist, a bully, a drifter and God only knows what else. But after my break up with my previous best friend, I was lonely and friendless. She took this opportunity. I had my guard down, and she somehow managed to weasel her way into my life.

Whether it was a normal day out with my cousins, or a lunch date with the few friends I had left, she would always self invite herself. Gradually, I started liking the idea of someone always stringing along. Yes, the fact that she’d completely ignore me the second a more ‘popular’ girl passed by and would stick to the girl like a post it, used to irritate me, but I would soon forget it for the mere attention.

As the days went by, I was looked down upon because of my company. One of my classmates even came up to me one day and said “Really? I mean … her?”. Soon, she started calling me her best friend. She presumed I felt the same way, but that was far from the truth. She started coming over for sleepovers every other weekend and there was nothing I could do. My mother dislike to the day she saw her. She told me to stay away – I guess I should’ve listened to her.

Months went by, and I started disliking her myself. Everything she said or did – the way she dressed, the way she joked around and the way she insulted me started to irritate me. She would say stuff about my own family that I would not like to hear. She would even say stuff about HER OWN family that honestly,  was quite disrespectful.

Then rolled in June – her birthday month and as a ‘best friend’, I started making plans for her 16th. I’d just come back from a trip to Norway, so I literally had to BEG my parents to give me money to buy her gifts (I’d used up all of my allowance Hehe XD). Since it was her 16th, I thought I’d surprise her and even went to her place at midnight. I wished her and genuinely felt happy for her. I thought things would change and everything would be okay. I was so damn wrong.

School opened and we had an oral assignment. We had to give a speech on “A regretful incident that happened over the summer”. I planned on talking about the incident that took place with my grandfather (I’ve talked about this incident in one of my previous posts). The teacher picked on my best friend. As she walked to the front of the class, she smirked at me. I was in the dark about what was about to go down.

She started off by saying that she had lost a friend over the break. Honestly, I had no clue what she was talking about. As it turns out, she was talking about ME. She went on, saying that I’d crossed the line and that I’d hurt her deeply. I was appalled. I couldn’t believe what she was saying. As my mouth hung open, the others started staring at me and whispering behind their hands. I felt MORTIFIED!!

As soon as the bell rang, I ran out of class. I needed to get away. The remaining day went miserably. I found out from others that she was telling everyone about how I had disrespected her family. I didn’t even know where this was coming from. I guess that was the last straw.

I’d had enough of her bull crap. I tried apologizing to her for whatever I had (supposedly) done, but when she said she didn’t care about me, I felt at peace – I’d done everything I could’ve done. Now that I look back, I realize how big of an idiot I had been. I missed all the signs. From passing snide comments about me, to saying hurtful things about her family, I should have distanced myself from her. I knew how she was all along, yet I chose to stay next to her. From the day she started calling us “best friends”, I should have firmly told her that I didn’t feel the same way about her. I had so many opportunities to prevent this incident, but I didn’t take them. I guess that’s why I know, I know that all along, it was ALL MY FAULT.

– Just Another Magical Soul

 

To read about my grandfather’s incident, click here.

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One thought on “All My Fault

  1. Greatestmistakeever says:

    Gal, all I got to say is that it’s not you fault … It’s actually hers that she can’t see ur efforts to maintain a friendship … I’ve been in a situation like u and known ppl who were too. Almost all went through something like this… so… stay the same, live life to the fullest , move on ( she doesn’t deserve you ) and keep blogging 💕💕💕💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

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